Daddy & His Princess

Friday, May 6, 2011

TODAY IS MAY 6TH AND i SIT HERE AT THE COMPUTER THINKING OF MY BABYGIRL ALHANA MARYJEAN. I DON'T THINK THERE IS EVER A TIME OR SECOND THAT SHE IS NOT ON MY MIND.THIS IS THE HARDEST THING I HAVE EVER HAD TO DEAL WITH. I WILL NEVER FORGET THE DAY WE LOST OUR DAUGHTER. FEB 22ND,2011 I HAD MY LAST PRENATAL APPOINTMENT, I HAD MAJOR SWELLING TO THE POINT I COULD NOT WALK, I HAD HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE, AND WAS ALREADY 3CM DILATED.
THE DR'S SENT MY HUSBAND AND I HOME AND TOLD US TO COME BACK FRIDAY FEB 25TH TO GET MY BLOOD PRESSURE RE-CHECKED.I HAD FOUR DAY'S LEFT BEFORE I WAS DUE. MY DUE DATE WAS MARCH 1ST,2011. THEY COULD HAVE KEPT ME THE LAST FOUR DAY'S AND MONITORED ME AND THEY WOULD HAVE NOTICED A CHANGE IN ALHANA'S VITAL SIGNS 
WEDNESDAY FEB 23RD I VIDEO RECORDED ALHANA KICKING ME ON MY PHONE WHILE I LAID IN BED WATCH TV. THURSDAY MORNING I FELT HER MOVING. THE REST OF THE DAY I WAS GOING ABOUT MY NORMAL ROUTINE, TAKING CARE OF MY SON, AND PREPARING FOR ALHANA TO COME HOME. LATER THAT NIGHT WHEN I GOT OUT OF THE SHOWER I TOLD MY HUSBAND THAT I HAD NOT REALLY FELT ALHANA MOVING TOO MUCH SINCE THIS MORNING. GIVEN I ONLY HAD 4 DAY'S LEFT I KNEW THERE WAS NOT TOO MUCH ROOM FOR HER TO MOVE AROUND.MATT SAID THAT SHE WAS PROBABLY SLEEPING AND WOULD START MOVING WHEN I LAY DOWN.
THAT NIGHT WE DID NOT GO TO BED UNTIL 4 AM. WE WERE PACKING OUR BAGS AND GETTING LAST MINUTE THINGS READY. WHEN WE WENT TO BED, WE TRIED TO GET ALHANA TO MOVE, BUT WE GOT NO RESPONSE. I TOLD MATT I WAS GETTING SCARED. HE SAID TO CALL THE ON CALL DR SO I DID. THEY TOLD US TO COME IN. WE GOT TO THE HOSPITAL AT 5:30AM FEB 25TH THE SAME DAY I WAS DUE BACK TO GET MY BLOOD PRESSURE RE-CHECKED.
WHEN WE GOT TO LABOR-DELIVER TRIAGE THEY TRIED TO FIND THE HEART BEAT AND ASKED WHERE IT WAS..I SHOWED THEM WHERE THEY COULD FIND IT, THEY SAID THEY WOULD BE BACK WITH THE ULTRASOUND MACHINE. BEFORE THEY WALKED BACK IN THE ROOM WITH IT, MY 3 YR OLD SON WAS IN HIS STROLLER SAYING"BABY GONE" "BABY GONE", WE TOLD HIM NO SWEETIE THE BABY IS NOT GONE. THE NURSES DID THE ULTRASOUND, SAID THEY WERE GOING TO GET THE DR AND HAVE HER TAKE A LOOK, SO THEY CAME BACK WITH THE DR AND 2 OTHER NURSES.
WHEN YOU HAVE 6 PEOPLE AT THE END OF UR BED YOU KNOW SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT. THE DR LOOKED AT MATT AND I AND SAID "I'M SORRY BUT YOUR BABY IS IN HEAVEN" WE SAID WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? THE DR TOLD US ALHANA'S HEART HAD STOPPED AND THERE WAS NO FETAL MOVEMENT.
THEY ASKED US IF WE WANTED TO GO HOME AND THINK ABOUT WHAT WE WANTED TO DO. WE SAID NO, WE WANT TO HAVE HER. ALHANA WAS 7.04 LBS AND 20 INCHES LONG. AS I WRITE THIS I HAVE THE CHILLS. i FEEL MY BABYGIRL IN THE HOUSE EVERYDAY. 

4 comments:

  1. I am so sorry for your doctors imcompetant actions. He/she made a very bad judgement call sending you back home. How high was your b/p the 1st day? You definitely should have been admitted that day with high bp & swelling. I am so sorry this has happend to you. I am so sorry your sweet lil girl is not her with you. Sending love your way.

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  2. Augh.. Doctor error. I am sad and angry for you all at the same time.

    For the record, when I read that sentence where Matty was saying "baby gone", I got the chills.

    A few days after Kherrington passed, I was looking out into our yard, and could have sworn I saw a wooden swingset and could hear a child's laughter. At that point I thought I was going crazy and spent the next 1/2 hour on the bathroom floor in tears. I have come to accept that Kherrington is with me everyday...in one form or another. I have a memorial tattoo..I carry her ashes in memorial jewellery.. and I also see her sweet face everytime I close my eyes, and we lost her 14 months ago... I know she is here in our rainbow baby Kaedence...
    "When I close my eyes I see you,
    No matter where I am..
    I'm with your ghost again,
    It's a shame about the weather,
    but I know soon we'll be together,
    and I can't wait 'till then.."

    Much peace to you

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  3. i agree with Malory.. i can't believe the drs sent you home on the 22nd.. i'm so sorry their stupidity cost you and your family so much :(

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  4. Malory, they said my BP was 130/80 witch they considered mildly high, since my BP was always low, when i went.

    Mama G, I feel Alhana everywhere..the second night we were home i could have sworn i heard her crying..and thank you Anne.

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